Posted on June 17th, 2024

At 29, I arrived at a pivotal moment in my life. I was a single parent of a 5 year old and was bartending and undeniably making good money in a short period of time. It also gave me great flexibility to be there for my son’s needs for school and extracurricular activities but at a cost. Working into the wee hours of the morning, being part of the partying life style–hey it was my only chance to have some fun;)--and dealing with being sexually harassed by customers and fellow employees including bosses which certainly took a toll on me after awhile.

Additionally, I wasn’t doing great in the relationship department which merely propelled me to continue to strive to make a change in my life albeit alone. If they couldn’t get it together within two years, they were out. I don’t know why that happened, it seemed to be my line in the sand. It was important for me to compare my choices to my family dynamic because quite simply we live what we learn.

Ultimately, both the successes and failures were about me and why? Because I was the common denominator in my life’s struggle to succeed. And that’s what I want to share with you so you can use it too. Through the years, it has helped me to be keenly aware of how I am part of a problem, how to stop doing something that is not serving me well, how to stay aligned with my values and how to be intentional about taking action on my success path.

4 Common Denominator Success Strategies

Realization & Acceptance. You are part of the problem. Whether we like to admit it or not, there is often something we are doing, are not doing, or could do better or differently when we are struggling with a problem. Sometimes this information can hit us like a Mack truck particularly when we are not open to seeing our role (aka denial) in the relationship we have with ourselves and with others at home or work. Other times, it can take months or even years because we are not tuned into our power of awareness and may need more emotional growth and courage to come to this vulnerable space. The upside to this exploration is that when you realize you are part of the problem, you are empowered to be part of the solution.

Take a pause now and think about the issue that motivated you to take action here today.

• Name the issue.
• What is your role in it?
• How is this a problem?
• What are you doing, not doing or can do better or differently?

Cease and Desist. As a legal order, this is issued as an immediate hard line order to STOP whatever it is you are doing that is illegal. Now hopefully you aren’t doing anything illegal;). I just like to use the concept to illuminate the importance of how necessary it is to STOP the behavior, distorted thinking, irrational beliefs, ineffective communication or habits  that are not serving us well or at all.

The Lipstick Story

I even do this with myself with the purchases of lipstick and lipgloss. Admittedly, I am a bit OCD yay you know me!!! with colors, glosses, shimmers, seasonal trends etc., however it gets out of control and then I put myself on a cease and desist until I use up what I have and let me tell you, if I truly held this up constantly, I likely wouldn’t purchase another lip product for 5 years.

All joking aside, there is a true benefit to STOPPING anything that is not effective or serving us positively. We often run around jumping from one thing to the next to solve a problem and skip over the part that before we can move forward, we need to STOP something that is a barrier to our success.

What is it that you need to issue a cease and desist order on yourself as it relates to the problem you are here for?

Is it distorted thinking?

Unhealthy self-defeating behavior?

Bad habits?

Less than positive communication style?

A toxic relationship?

Are you in denial?

Your Moral Compass.  Until we “tune in” to what’s really going on and realize we are both a part of the problem and the solution, we are often off track and we can sense this in many ways, yet we ignore or don’t attend to the messages that are inherently trying to get us toward our true North. “Discover your true north” was coined by Harvard Business School professor Bill George who metaphorically describes the benefit of following your internal compass which I believe needs to be grounded by your values, beliefs and sense of purpose. When thinking about a compass, we know that when we know where North is, we then understand where South, East and West are which guides us toward our desired destination. This is stable and unchangeable.

Identifying and searching for your true North helps you to re-center, or perhaps to get in touch for the very first time with your authentic self–the real you–the person you want to be. A tremendous part of this process is working on staking your claim in the ground as a foundation that is derived from your values and beliefs–what is most important to you; your sense of purpose–where you want to go and ultimately to what you want to achieve–your goals and dreams for the life you want to live.

In thinking about this issue ask yourself the following questions and answer them with honesty:

• Am I bringing my best self to the table?
• Do my behaviors, thoughts, words and actions align with the values that are important to me? Why or why not?
• Am I participating in this situation with a clear sense of purpose connected to what I ultimately want to achieve?
• Are my choices hurting me or helping me?
• Are my choices hurting or helping the other people involved?
• Am I enabling or empowering myself or others?

Your Success Path. All of us want to be successful beginning from infancy as we develop all the skills to flourish into toddlerhood and beyond. Think about babies. Nothing stops them from getting what they want and need when they are surrounded by a caring, loving and supportive team that responds to their needs. The value of flourishing in life is inherent. When they are hungry, they cry for nourishment. When they feel lonely and need love, they cry out to be held. When they are tired, they let us know enough is enough–get me to sleep. You get the picture.

We are born with the ability to be successful at every stage of life and that success is clearly connected to the action steps required to get us there. Some journeys and paths are tough ones and there are no easy ways to get there. In fact, most things in life take time, patience and strategic action that is guided by our purpose, beliefs, wants and values.

Now that you explored the first three components of the common denominator success principle, you are ready to create an action plan. Do not try to do this first without clearing the path for your success. Of course you can choose to do it the harder way–that is an option. The goal here is to gain clarity that is connected to your vision for success and to decide what you need to do to take consistent action to that end.

Think back to why you started this exercise.

What is your vision for success? Paint it, write it and talk about it.

What are three steps that you know you need to take to start out on your success path?

Ultimately, when applying the common denominator success principle in your life, it requires you to explore the negative habits–the things that keep presenting themselves as a common theme and can feel like the insanity wheel–keep doing the same thing and get the same results. I then invite you to search for the positive qualities that are common and connected to your values, beliefs and sense of purpose to ensure you are replacing the negative common denominators with positive common denominators which allows you to be successful in life. Knowing what we need to stop opens the doors for unlimited success in our relationships with ourselves, with others and to achieve our goals to flourish in life.

If you want to dive deeper and find your Success Path, email me for your free Success Strategy Guide that enhances these teachings.

With love and success,

Sherry Blair